Loving Myself

imageToday is my only day off between two sets of nights, and last night I got a straight nine hours sleep for the first time in over five years. I woke up feeling like the entire world was mine for the taking. Yesterday I received a pack of Yesmum cards, a set of cards with positive affirmations on, to choose one each day to help you live more positively. The one I chose at random this morning said “Today I let love lead me.”

That felt apt for my sole day off, to spend it purely doing the things I loved, with people I loved. And today, for a change, one of those people was going to be ME! After a lovely school drop off with my daughter, and a quick pop to the supermarket for supplies, my husband, my son and I started our day with freshly brewed coffee and pastries, in my favourite coffee mugs bought from my favourite breakfast venue, a little Middle Eastern restaurant in Fulham where I went lots with my husband when we were in our first flushes of love, sustaining a long distance relationship filled with exciting weekends of nothing but spoiling ourselves and each other. I never drink from those mugs without remembering those beautiful times.

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After some dancing round the kitchen to some music that reminds me of a much loved, little seen, old friend, and a mid-dance face-plant from the toddler, we had some blissful dancing cuddles in the sling, something we rarely do now he’s grown into Mister Independent. I held him especially close, his wet cheek on my cheek, the smell of his hair in my nose, and breathed in the closeness.

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Managed to get in the garden, my happy place, and do a little weeding and lugging around compost. Nothing makes me happier than getting a little mud under my finger nails, and I definitely managed that! It was incredible to feel the spring sun on my cheeks, particularly after a few days of darkness and fluorescent lighting on my night shifts. Seeing the first buds of Spring bursting, and dreaming of all the veggies to plant definitely helped fill my internal cup of joy.

Came in to a lunch of dippy eggs from our chickens, and toast with salted butter, one of the greatest and simplest pleasures in life, particularly now I am doomed to years of unsalted butter with the children. It’s remarkable how much of a treat something everyday can become when you deny yourself it normally!

I had a quick soak in the bath to wash off all that mud while my husband got the toddler to sleep, dressed again in my favourite new dress, and a bit of Scandi-noir TV to catch up on from the weekend.

I had already booked a reiki session for today, but in the spirit of letting love lead me, I decided to turn it into an event. Now since having kids, doing anything by myself is a bit of an event, so I walked into town, down the back streets and the foot paths, seeing the gorgeous gorse bursting into vibrant yellow flowers, and the catkins hanging from branches, with the spring sunshine beaming on me, the fresh air in my lungs, and some of my favourite music playing in my ears. It was amazing how much of a treat it felt.

Then to my favourite little veggie cafe for raw chocolate torte, a cup of Pukka Love tea, and some people watching, all by myself.

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The reiki session was incredible. I logically don’t understand how it works, but it makes me feel phenomenal. So who cares. And my reiki master gave me a wonderful pep talk about self love and nurture, and about making positive changes to my life. It resonated perfectly with how my day had been going, and I walked home feeling incredibly relaxed, motivated, and full of ideas about all the steps I can take in my planto try and find and nurture the woman I am now.

It’s been a great day. Full of simple pleasures, appreciating the small things and planning a positive future. And I even managed to carry that positivity through to a peaceful, loving dinner and bedtime with the children. And now they’re snoring  it’s time for a bit of my favourite telly I think to round off this lovely day.

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3 thoughts on “Loving Myself

  1. Pingback: Joy | Inner Grace

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