In the zone

I like being well within my comfort zone. It’s all warm and squishy and nice. I have previously identified security as one of my greatest motivators in life. I’m ok with that, genuinely. I know I will never be one of life’s great leaders, innovators, explorers. For a long time in life I think that craving for security actually meant that I was too scared to try new things. I think it probably still does…

Writing this blog has in many ways been inside my comfort zone. I have written a diary since I was thirteen, and writing this blog is not so different. Somewhat outside of my comfort zone though is the idea that anybody in the world could end up reading it! More than a thousand people read my last post which was a bit of a weird one for me, since none of my others have been read by more than a hundred. I’m really grateful to anyone who gave it a read. Sorry if it came across as a bit of an entitled whinge. I felt pretty humbled to realise that people in India and Nigeria had read, countries where there are much bigger feminist issues than me getting called a nurse. True to form one of Trump’s first actions as President was to outlaw funding to overseas charities which have any role in providing abortions. As if it’s not enough stamping on women in his own country, let’s further reduce women’s access to safe healthcare and choices about their bodies everywhere else too. Anyway, enough about that awful man for now, and another huge thanks to all those women who marched.

Staying forever in my safe zone doesn’t feel much like it sets a good example to my children, particularly my daughter, who I want to feel can pursue anything she wishes in this life, if only she is brave enough to try. I think this might have to be the year I learn to drive, if just to show that Mummy can learn something new, even when I find it really hard.

The other steep learning curve for me right now is the garden. The fact that I seem to go on about it all the time may fool you into thinking I know what I am doing. In fact it is the total opposite. They say as you start learning you don’t even realise that you know nothing. Gradually you learn things and start figuring out what a huge amount you do not know.  I am very much at that stage, still in the not even knowing what it is that I don’t know phase. True wisdom is knowing a lot, knowing what you don’t know, and being aware that there will always be more to learn.

At the moment I am completely making it up as I go along,voraciously reading books and the internet, alongside barrowfulls of learning as I go. I have loved every minute of it, but in the misery of winter, with all the summer flowers gone, I have definitely started to learn that I need to think about plants that bring joy in these frosty days too.

All of which meant a good excuse to go to my very favourite garden centre now that payday has finally rolled around. I was very pleased with my beautiful new witch hazel, along with the other evergreens I bought to bring colour and shape amongst the mud.

I have planted it behind my bench so when I sit enjoying my coffee in the winter cold I can enjoy the colour and the beautiful smell. Carry me through until my beloved spring rolls around again.

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So here’s to learning, to new experiences, to stepping outside the comfort zone occasionally (even if it’s just tiny steps) and to hopefully setting a better example to my children. Thanks again for all your support guys with this little foray outside that comfort zone, really appreciate it!

 

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