I’ve been feeling a bit spendy recently. I’m normally pretty restrained. I have always spent within my means, avoided loans, paid those I have been unable to avoid as early as possible, and never really bought things just for the sake of it. But now… Well I think a thoroughly depressing, wet January, years of buying things for the children as surrogate treats for myself, of buying birthday and Christmas gifts just for the children, and a long six months of being on seriously reduced salary has given me some sort of buying mania.
It started when our fridge freezer broke. We had no choice but to buy a replacement and stick it on the credit card. So I figured since I’d already flogged the card I might as well buy myself a tablet as well, after all my ancient laptop had been slowly dying for the past year. And then there were so many beautiful pieces of jewellery that I’d had my eye on for ages, and new projects I had been dreaming of for the garden. And there was that work course I really wanted to do. And my old stethoscope is held together with tape. And…
It has been a kind of strange experience spending all this money. I don’t think I actually enjoy it very much. I can’t help but get a massive wave of guilt and anxiety with every purchase, despite the fact that I finally received a big chunk of backpay that I have been owed for ages. I think the guilt ends of outweighing my buying pleasure, but still I keep thinking about more things that I want.
My inbuilt money-pinching is probably a good thing. It has probably saved me from years of debt and stress. But then the wonderful Iris Bluebird goes and holds a special valentines crystal jewellery sale night. What am I supposed to do?!