Lockdown

According to my husband, the last post was a little on the smug side. Sorry if it came across that way. Believe me, the fact that my daughter watched (under duress) a blackbird splashing in our extremely tiny pond (essentially a particularly severe puddle) is just about all I have to be smug about.

The chickenpox is hitting hard, my morale mainly rather than my still feisty and cabin-fevered children. That coupled with the worst of Cornish mizzle has left me feeling pretty much like a total failure of a parent today.

Knowing we would be stuck in quarantine all week I ordered my daughter an absolutely gorgeous book, all about the changing seasons and the wildlife around us. I imagined us sat curled up in a blanket, having bonding mummy-daughter cuddles and exclaiming over the beautiful illustrations whilst learning new facts about our incredible world. She literally turned one page, looked at it scornfully and asked if she could play on my iPad again yet?

From the moment I have become a mother my daughter has done a pretty good job at skewering my romantic idealism. Pretty much nothing has gone to plan for the last six years. I suppose that’s probably not a bad thing, but it’s definitely not always easy.

In desperation to try and get her unglued from a screen I found myself flicking through a book about arts and crafts projects you can enjoy with your children. Full of photos of gleeful children and their masterpieces. The few times I have tried to engage her in crafting or drawing or cooking, and now, heaven help me, homework, has pretty much always resulted eventually in her losing interest within three seconds and me finishing it by myself. So instead of giving me exciting inspiration the book just left me wondering how i am so completely incapable of engaging my daughter’s interest in any way. Am I trying too hard to try and force her to be what I want? Am I in complete denial of who she really is? Should I just embrace her desire to watch back to back Tintin movies 14 hours straight?

I don’t know, but I know this is going to be a long week…

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