I am feeling back on track. Definitely feel like the SAD lamp, maybe in combination with some supplements I have been trying out, have helped me get back into a better frame of mind. My enthusiasm and motivation have returned anew, and I’m feeling pretty good.
The revision, which had recently felt like a slog, is back to being fun. I feel like I’ve made a bit of a break through with it and finding myself understanding it more. I’m hoping that all these months of really hard work will take me past rote learning of useless facts, to really understanding some key scientific concepts that I never quite got to grips with at medical school. And that has to be a positive thing! Yesterday somebody asked me how it was going, and I replied that I was really enjoying it. She said that that was because I was really ready for this now. Her words really struck a chord with me. I really do feel ready for this, like this is something that I really have to do right in this moment in time. After all I’ve spent the last nine years avoiding anything like this, and suddenly I just desperately want to throw myself in.
Its not just the revision, I’m so full of plans to develop and challenge and further myself at work. It’s almost hard to keep reigning myself in so that I don’t fling myself into so many projects that I just cannot keep up. I’m trying to stay grounded whilst still riding those waves of inspiration as they hit me. A difficult balance to achieve.
I’m even finding my actual shop floor work pretty enjoyable right now. Even amongst the mayhem of winter pressures I am really relishing the camaraderie of the team. Some rather wonderful people I work with are really going above and beyond trying to help improve the morale within the department, and it is really feeling different to me recently. Of course we all love a moan but it feels like generally people are getting the fun back in what can be such a tough job at times.
Part of that morale boosting was the monthly ED bake-off competition. My rather fabulous chocolate and orange cake, courtesy of Nigella’s recipe, won amongst 14 entries. This time there was an actual prize, and me and my husband had a rather wonderful, child-free meal out at a lovely hotel, for free!
With all this activity I am still finding the time to relax, to do the things I love, the things that renew me. I have given myself some mornings off, having a lie-in, watching easy TV (just binge watched through Cold Feet). I have combined that with a bit of early Christmas prep. The kids presents are all bought (the postman has been very busy delivering all the online shopping), and the cards are written and ready to post when an acceptable time arrives. I had a wonderful morning off listening to my favourite music and making mincemeat, one of my absolute favourite ‘jobs’ on the Christmas to do list. I’m hoping that getting stuff done early will take that last minute pressure off.
In the next week I have a family day at my Son’s lovely preschool, book group and a trip out with my husband for some serious theatre.
Somehow it feels like the balance is right, and that may not last, but I am hopeful!